This is the first time I’m writing a thread. Honestly, I was quite hesitant when I started typing this first sentence. But I need a place to share, to ease my mind a little from all the heaviness inside. I don’t intend to expose the flaws of my marriage. I just… I’m tired. Extremely tired. And I don’t know what else to do.
It’s been almost two years since I got married. Our marriage wasn’t born out of love that grew from a long process of getting to know each other. We were arranged. My husband and I used to be two strangers who had never even spoken to each other. But because we’re related – you could say distant cousins – the arranged marriage was considered something normal.
Back then, I thought about it a lot. There were so many considerations in my heart. But in the end, I followed my family’s wishes. I hoped that maybe love would grow from there. Maybe understanding, comfort, and happiness would be born, just like the stories people often tell after marriage.
But the reality of my married life hasn’t been as smooth as I hoped.
My husband and I are very different. We’re like night and day. Our personalities and characters are opposites. And the hardest part for me is his harshness. Harsh in action, in words, in everything. I feel like I live under pressure. As if every decision must follow his way, everything must go exactly as he wants. I’ve tried to be patient, tried to adapt, but little by little, I’ve become exhausted.
I don’t know what to do. I want to leave… but then my mind gets flooded with so many thoughts. What will the family say? What about the future? What if I regret it later? But if I stay, I feel like I’m losing myself, bit by bit.
And what hurts even more… I have no one to turn to. No shoulder to lean on, not even just to cry. I keep everything inside, silently. Every night, I can only stare at the ceiling, asking myself: “How long do I have to live like this?”
Maybe I’m writing this not because I want an instant solution. I just want my voice to be heard. That I’m tired. That I also need to be understood. That marriage is not always about “if you just go through it, it will work out.” Because the truth is, not every wound can be healed by time alone.
Photo by Beyza Yılmaz on Unsplash
